I have just done the weirdest thing, I don’t know why, its fucking ridiculous and I feel quiet ashamed, I thought I was past running away. I thought I was past hiding.
I didn’t even know I was doing it, I mean I was aware but it was like breathing, you do it and the second you realise you’re doing it automatically you stop.
I sat here, in the middle of my bedroom floor, with my computer open on BA.com and booking a flight to LA. For one, one way.
It was weird, its like knowing nothing is on fire but you check the fire escape isn’t locked. But then in the same breath I’m willing the fire to burn it all. Give me a reason to run. An excuse for my cowardice.
I chose there out of all the places, I remember the day I got there with crystal clarity. I planned my life in accordance with returning to this magic place. It was the beginning of forever and that scared the hell out of me.
I remember walking along Santa Monica beach, I was several paces behind my family, it was around dusk and the moon was out, it was so close to me and I was so far from you. Its strange how that place will always be synonymous with you despite you never being there.
I sat down at the beach, told my mum that I’d met her at the pier. I sat there and I remember going into that shop, you had to get out a $1 bill and write a message on it.
It don’t know whether it saddens me that you don’t know what I wrote or that I do. Either way, in the morning I’ll be going to sixth form and at 9:27 AM I will know that the flight is gone, getting in at LAX around 11 o clock local time.
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noyoureweird liked this
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idomybesttoalwaysbeonyourmind said:
I’m a whore for constantly checking tickets to LAX. Unfortunately my lack of a duel-nationality holds me living in Europe, not in California, where my mind so often dreams of being.
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idomybesttoalwaysbeonyourmind liked this
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petitelivre posted this
